HER

NATURAL LUST
AM I WRONG TO DESIRE HER?
WANT HER?
AND OFTEN FEEL THE NEED TO BE WANTED BY HER?
HMMMM....
THE LUST IN ME IS DIFFERENT, NOT THE SAME AS OTHERS
MAYBE ITS HER LIPS..THAT I LONG TO TASTE
LOL...
MAYBE, BUT WAT ABOUT HER SMILE THAT HAS GOTTEN ME CAUGHT
IN A DAZE OF THE BEACH DRINKS AND GOOD TIMES....
NATURAL LUST, YET I WANNA FEEL HER, SO AM I WRONG?
HER VOICE, BEAUTIFUL
IT MAKES ME BLUSH, A BIG GRIN THEN I WOULD
LOVE IF SHE COULD SING ME TO BED LOL..
A POEM FROM ME TO HER..

HAHAHAHAH...LAST LINE

MONEY, MONEY, MONEY, MONEY
HE YELLED AT THE TOP OF HIS LUNGS, FURIOUS
"IS THAT ALL YOU THINK ABOUT? WAT ABOUT LOVE"
WHAT ABOUT HONOR? RESPECT? KIDS? GETTING MARRIED?
ME? WHAT ABOUT ME? DO I COUNT FOR SOMETHING?
OVER THE YEARS I HAVE BEEN CARING THIS FAMILY WITH NO PROBLEM
NOW, I'M A LITTLE DOWN AND SHIT ON MY KNEES,I DONT UNDERSTAND
I SENT YOU TO SCHOOL, PAID BILLS FOR YOUR FAMILY, NOW IT IS A PROBLEM
THAT I AM TAKING A YEAR OFF TO DO THINGS THAT I WANT TO DO?
WHEN YOU WANTED TO DO HAIR, I WAS THERE AND ALLOWED YOU TO
USE ME A GINNIE PIG, THEN YOU WANTED TO DANCE AGAIN AND I WENT TO
SIT IN UR CLASSES WITH THESE BIG WOMEN WHO THOUGHT THEY WERE SEXY
WHILE YOU LEARNED NEW THINGS, I WAS THERE WHEN YOU SAID HEY I WANNA START
MY OWN BUSINESS SELLING COOKIES, DOING WEBSITES,ETC
THRU IT ALL I WAS THERE AND I PAID FOR ALL THAT SHIT, AND NOW YOU WANNA THROW
MONEY IN MY FACE SAYING HOW BILLS NEED TO BE PAID..
YOU WOMEN ARE A TRIP AND YOU WONDER WHY BLACK MEN LEAVE AND GO TO
WHITE OF OTHER CULTURES, I NEVER SECOND GUESSES WHAT YOU
WANTED TO USE MONEY FOR..YES I KNOW THAT I AM ASKING FOR
ALOT MORE THEN ALL OF THE HOBBIES THAT YOU TOOK INTEREST IN
BUT YOU CALL MY DREAMS BULLSHIT? HAVE YOU SEEN THESE TEENS TODAY?
THEY ALL LOVE THEM AND THE NEW BOYZ SHOWED ME THAT
SO I DONT CARE I DONT SEE ANYTHING WRONG WITH ME BEING A
43 YEAR MAN WEARING MY SKINNY JEANS AND BEING A SKATER..
LOL,
CASE CLOSED.....

JUST WANTED TO DO SUMN FUN...SO TELL ME WHAT U THINK LOL

DIRTY GIRL...DIRTY GIRL...

Dirty Girl Dirty Girl


Dirty girl dirty girl
What is your motive?
I see you often down my way
Bumming for money
But never food
Money to buy a burger from a burger joint
Yeah you think we are not on to you
Huh dirty girl
We watch you walk down the street
With you oversized trench coat in the
Middle of the summer
We hear you screaming in
The middle of the night to no body
Although somebody
is listening to obviously nothing
Screaming, cursing, bitching
At your shoulda coulda woulda’s
Full of dirty memories
You can’t grab hold of the future
Dirty girl dirty girl
What are you screams about
What stories will your tears tell?
What secrets do you mind hold
Dirty girl dirty girl
What cleansing are your words doing?
I was walking down the street careless
And carefree as she began yelling
“I wanna be free”
Out of no where
in the middle of somewhere
where people stop to acknowledge her
presence and look over her tears
while disregarding her pain
but it was the woman in me
that understood her style
I gave her a minute of my time
Her stench was high pitch
Her swagger reluctant to let go
Her odor indescribable
Her personality
One of a kind
And her words powerful
“I came up from the gutter
I struggled alone
Cause I wouldn’t do my daddy
He kicked me out his home
Momma piped out
Haven’t seen her in years
And these are some stories
That you’ll get from my tears.
Grandma never liked me
Because my momma was gay
You ain't gonna be shit
Just like your mother
Is all she use to say
Treated different from my siblings
Left all alone
This is why I roam the streets
Cause I lack a family and home
And I’m sorry if I disturb you
And I’m sorry
If I get in your way
I mean you no harm
Please have a blessed day,
And I’ll be on my way!”
Caught in the middle of
Good and bad
She left with her pride
Because that was all she had

Unspeakable

(X -4) = 7





No matter how many tutors I was given, math was not my subject, and from the looks of things, it will never be. I stood out no matter where I went and whom I was with. I was told that I have a magnitude about myself that draws people in without trying to. Turning eighteen my last semester of high school was proving to be my best year. I had a few more months but counted every day. My father allowed me to do a little more then he had before, as a single father raising me after my mother passed while I was still in grade school. By the way, I am Pride, my parents was overly happy when I was born hence the name, according to my grandmother my father wanted me to have a name that meant the world to him, Pride, His pride and joy. Growing up with that name had me one of the topics of every name conversation that came up and trust me, when I tell you that I have been talked about badly, until I started growing into my women hood and filling out in everyway. making people more aware of my appearance over my name. My appearance will catch your attention while my presence keeps it in awe(so I have been told) I am not one to want attention off my looks rather I would prefer someone want to be a friend because I am a good person. Walking in the mall in New York with friends and family I am often stopped by modeling scouts, mostly because of my height, but I am not interested in that. For a long time my 5”11 frame was a cripple to me. I towered over most of my peers and earned the nickname “Slanky Pranky Pride” that had stumble effect. My dad being a man could not give me the guidance that I needed to bring the young lady out in a respectable manner so he had his girlfriend at the time take me out shopping and give me some pointers.
I was never upset when I seen my dad with other women, I had to tell him that it was all right for him to date again. I knew that he loved my mother but he also missed having someone to hold and talk with if he’d had a stressful day. He didn’t date for two years after my mom passed and I could see the loneliness in his eyes as he watched his football games, something that him and mom use to do when I was younger, and she’s still with us. On my thirteenth birthday I told my dad that he needed to find someone to make him happy.
“Pride, baby you make me happy. Everyday I look at my pride and joy and I smile because your mother and I wanted you so badly we both shared a tear when you entered this world.”
“Dad, I understand that, but I can only make you so happy. I know that you think I am not ready for you to date, but it will not bother me at all. I want you to smile like you did when mom was still alive listening to you talk about what crazy person came into your office that particular day. I love you daddy and I know that you love me, so I want you to go out on a date,” I said, in my best thirteen-year-old voice. Grandma had coached me on what to say after she made sure that it was all right with and I was. Daddy gave me a big smile and hug that lasted for five minutes, and then he thanked me.

Soon after our little talk, I met Brenda, Jamie, Andrea, and Melanie. Melanie won my dads heart and she had been around since I was thirteen and a half. I am now months away from eighteen and their relationship has blossomed. On my sixteenth birthday she had taken me shopping so that I became more acclimated with my stature. She’d advised me on how to wear make-up, dress to my height and she is the reason why I am in love with heels. Even though I spent a lot of time with my dad, I was never a tomboy.
While Melanie and I were out shopping, she was trying on this silver evening gown that fit her body like it was painted on. She had called me into the dressing room with her so that I can zip it up. When I entered the room her peaches n crème body spray met me at the door and caught me under a spell. Her skin looked like silk, thanks to her parents good jeans she had the body of a Barbie doll. As I zipped the back of the dress up her mixed breed skin of Mexican and black was hidden and I for the first time realized how much a women’s body turned me on. Melanie and I had always gotten along and I coming to a realization didn’t stop that. I didn’t have a crush on her; besides, she was my dad’s women.
I was late to math class and I knew that Mr. Humphrey was going to send me to detention after school. Seconds after the bell rang I was one of few in the halls running to get to class and my baby phat boots with the 3inch heel was holding me back from a sprint. Everyone was in their seats flipping through pages when I opened the door. As I was preparing to tell my version of why I was late, her presence muffled my mouth and I was completely silent.
“Hurry and get your seat honey, where are on page 168.”
The board read in huge cursive writhing “Ms. Moore”. As she was discussing variables and other mathematic terminology I was goggled eyed over this beautiful lady standing in front of the dark board teaching. For the first time in as long as long as I could remember the bell rang too soon. It seemed as if we were in class for ten minutes but if the clock was correct, it was time to move on to the next class, which for me was a study hall.
As everyone started filing out of the class trying to make the next class on time, Ms. Moore stopped me.
“Pride, could you come here for a moment please?” she asked in a soft voice that sent chills through my body.
“Yes” I said noticing her green eyes with her hair long and silky, while her skin claimed Indiana all day long. Her slim body that wore a black pants suit with a crème button down silk blouse, chain belt and silver shoes made her look more like a business women then a teacher had my stomach doing cartwheels. I slowly stumbled over to the front of her desk not knowing what she had to say and not caring what, but just wanted to talk to her.
“I am sorry but because you were late, I am going to have to give you detention.”
The detention didn’t bother me not one bit.
“Yeah I know, I was speaking with Ms. Hawk the English teacher about making up a test that I missed last week, and that is why I was late.”
“Oh, well why you didn’t get a note from her, because it would excuse you from this detention.”
“I will try, when I get it, do I bring it back to you or to the teacher running detention for today?”
“Well, either way it will be me, I am sitting in on detention today so whatever you decide to do is fine with me.”
She just let me know that I was not getting that note to excuse me from detention and I would make it my busy to be late for all of my classes today just to get the extra fifteen minutes.
The rest of the day seemed to drag, as I was distracted from my work due to my mind being stuck on Ms. Moore. I headed to detention with a hour under my belt. When I headed my slip to Ms. Moore , she looked at me and smile.
“Pride, how is it, you’ve managed to get a hour worth of detentions?”
“I have no idea Ms. Moore and this is my first time every in here. I just hope my dad doesn’t flip when I come home late.”
“Well, how about you call him now, so that he will not be at home worried?”
“My cell phone is in my locker right now, and I forget to call him after eighth hour.”
“Well take this and call him,” she said handing me her phone.
He was upset but he understood, my first detention and it is my senior year. There were only five of us in detention and I was the only one with a hour under my belt, while everyone else had fifteen minutes. Once the other students left I moved closer to the front.
“Ms. Moore, would you be able to help me with my math. I am not good in it and it confuses me?”
“What about it confuses you?”
“Well, if X-4=7, why put the X there, why not just put 11 and stop all the confusion?”
Ms. Moore smiled and proceeded to explain her theory but I was lost after the first sentence. When my hour was up she was still talking and looked up to find me staring at her.
“If you have any more questions I will be her for another two weeks, but now it is time to go so that your parents will not be concerned. Is your dad coming to pick you up?”
“No, I have my own car, its in the student parking lot.”
“Oh, well you go girl. Well get home safely.
For the rest of that week I had detention and I learned that Ms. Moore was only 26, no kids, lived alone but had a nephew that she called her boy. The second week that she was filling in, she had noticed that I had intentionally gotten detention and in my bashfulness admitted that it was because of her. The Friday that was her last day as our teacher, I wrote her note, telling her how much I liked her and in what ways. I waited until I was heading out of detention before placing the four-page letter in her hands and walking out. My heart was racing, and I had hoped she would not hate me for telling her how I felt and I spoke this to no one not wanting to get her in trouble. I had left all my information for her to get in touch with me.
Months had passed and Ms. Moore was still on my mind although she hadn’t called me or been back to the school, but at twelve midnight on my birthday, my cell phone rang under my pillow. Unfamiliar with the number I answered the phone.
“Hello.”
“Happy eighteenth Birthday Beautiful, how are you?”
I knew at the moment it was, Ms. Moore, I mean Stacey. All the sleepiness that I had felt prior to the phone call had all abolished and I sat right up to talk to her for as long as she would let me.
“I wanted to be the first one to wish you a happy birthday, did I achieve my goal?”
“Well, kind of, if you are not counting my dad and Melanie.”
“No, I am not counting them, so I take it that I am. So none of your friends called you yet?”
“Not yet, but I am sure they will, they always do. I didn’t think that you would call, I gave up on you.”
“Well you shouldn’t have done that, but I could not respond because of my position and you were not grown, but you are now and I can express my true feelings. When you walked in the classroom late your beauty and how you carried yourself took me aback. I heard a lot of students mentioning your name before you were due to come into my class and when I finally got to see for my self what the boys kept ranting and raving about I was too drawn to you. I didn’t have to give you detention, but I wanted too, so I did, just to get a chance to look at you. Without you giving me that letter, I would have never thought you liked women. I have something for you, when can you get a chance you can come get it.”
“What is it?” I asked smiling from ear to ear.
“It’s an equation, (you + me = X).
“I like that equation, so if that is true, when am I going to see you”?
“Pride, I will take you to lunch tomorrow, how is that”?
“Yes, that is cool, I will be patiently waiting”.

PISS-A-LULA

I had again fallen asleep downstairs under the table on grandma’s legs. All of my activities from the day had gotten the best of me, and I had become fatigue. My grandmother often allowed me to run around the house as if I were outside playing tag with some neighborhood friends. While playing cards and focusing on her hand with her partner, her money in front of her, always neatly stacked according to its worth, and it remained the same way no matter where the card game was heard. This particular night it was at home and I was happy, I didn’t want to be away from her for more then five minutes and not be able to go sit in her lap while she rocked me back and fourth. My granny spoke to one of the guess that gasp when she seen me fall from running around.
“Karen, she will be alright, she was given too much candy today and in a minute she will be fast asleep, you’ll see. Your son is ten now right? I am sure that when he was seven he did the same things,” Granny said while looking over at me, then back to her card game.
I started to calm down about twenty minutes later, and I’d seen grandma look at Karen and wink her eye, as if to say, I told you so. The smurfs were on and I love me some smurfs, even though they all looked alike, I never seen them that way. I would always wonder how it would be to meet them, if I would have fun and join in one of their life saving adventures that had taken place every episode. I felt my self getting sleepy, and I slowly walked over to my grandmother and she, without hesitation slid her chair back enough for me to lay across her legs and fall fast asleep. I was seven and yes spoiled, not the I will cry if I don’t get my way now spoiled, because honestly it never got to that point, I asked, I received and it had been that way for as long as I can remember. As my eyes became heavy from the rocking that my grandmother provided while laying oh her legs I’d noticed a mice run behind one of the deep freezers that were in grandma’s house. I didn’t jump on say anything about it; I was use to seeing them now. I just drifted to sleep at a comfort level in my comfort zone, Grandma’s legs.
I didn’t feel anyone pick me up and put me to bed, I was what many call knocked out. My bladder had started bothering me and I needed to go to the bathroom. Opening my eyes I realized that I was not on Grandma’s lap or in our bed. I had refused to sleep in my own room, so it was established that I would always sleep with grandmother. I’d notice the stained wall, and my heart started beating fast. The heavy breathing let me know that I was not alone in the room, so I refused to turn around. I would pretend to be sleep as usual and just wet myself, and suffer the yells in the morning, I was prepared to do just that, I had done it many times before. I could hear everything going on downstairs and the card game still in full swing and would go on until the morning, they always did. I could hear some of the losers cursing because they had lost all of they money and wanted to get back in the game, so normally they would sit behind someone and help them out enough for them to win, hit their hand so that they are able to get back in the game and when some of their money back. Grandma was rarely on the losing end, she always won, and boxes of money in her closet proved that, but when she did lose she never got upset, she would just get more money and continue to play. The card games were just a way for her to socialize with friends and family, because her real cash came from being a real hustler. I loved to see my grandmother happy, laughing and enjoying company of adults instead of just me being curious and asking her a thousand questions a day, but those are the times that she didn’t have a lot of focus on me, and in those times, history began.
As I was thinking about going to the bathroom, the breathing stopped long enough for my name to be called.
“Tonya, wake up boop, I have something for you,” the voice whispered with the door still ajar.
I ignored the statement and continued with my game of hide and sleep. After the second time of calling my name, uncle Johnny became impatient and shook me to awake me, so he thought. He slowly picked me up placed me on his knee while sitting on his bed. The twin beds sat high and I could never get in them on my own with out a struggle. The 19-inch television playing Star Trek sat on a dresser that had lost the top draw and kept empty newspaper from years prior. The closet on the left was the house of many pairs of creased jeans, flannel button ups, and white Reeboks stacked up neatly under the pants.
“You are becoming a big girl now Tonya,” Uncle Johnny said while squeezing me. I knew that I was small for my age; I had heard it all the time. Grandma said that my skin stood out and was the source of my beauty.
“Look at you with your pretty skin, I want you to play with Uncle Johnny.”
Slowly dropping my head to hide my fear and tears, I said nothing.
“Are you going to be a good girl and play with Uncle Johnny? I have some candy for you and I know how much you like candy.
“I, I…don’t want any candy, I wanna go downstairs with grandma,” I answered slowly while still looking at a nail stuck in the wood in the floor that I hadn’t taken my eyes off once I dropped my head.
“Mom told me to bring you up here and put you too bed, because you were tired. She told me not to let you come back downstairs,” he lied.
He grabbed my hand, placed it in the croch of his pants, and made me rub until it felt as I was rubbing on a rock. He moved me from his knee so that he could get up, shut the door, and lock it.
“I don’t wanna,” I said crying unable to hold my tears in any longer.
“It is good for you, this is our secret remember, if you tell anyone mom will send you away and you will not be able to see her again or lay on her lap.”
He laid down on the bed then put me on top of him.
“Unzip my zipper,” he commanded.
“I wanna go downstairs with grandma uncle Johnny, I don’t want to, I don’t like it,” I cried trying to get back to my comfort zone. Why would grandma send me away, she knew how much I love her.
“Listen hear, you little spoiled brat, do what I told you before I get mad, you will learn to like it.”
I slowly obeyed as he directed me to do more and more, instructing me to place both my hands around his manhood and move them up and down. He’d tried to push my head down and I kept dodging the gesture, the last time I gagged and he became angry it was horrible and I didn’t want to go through that again. After what seemed to me to last forever, he stopped me, jumped up to perform on him-self the actions that I was instructed to do. Standing at the door trying to leave he put his being in the way, seconds later he grabbed a towel from the dresser. With my head down waiting to be released, his hands lifted my face as he order me to look at, what to me looked like hawk spit.
“Look at it Tonya, that means you made me feel good and Uncle Johnny likes when you make him feel good, remember that is our little secret and you will thank me later, now go to the bathroom before you go get in the bed so that you will not pee in the bed tonight piss-a-Lula.”

WATS MINE

MY EYES ARE MY WATCHERS OF THE NIGHT
AND DAY, THE PRELUDE TO MY EMOTIONS
WITH EARS HEARING THE MEANING LESS TAUNTS
AND STILL I STAND ALONE, A WOMAN, AND
REMAINING ME, ARE MY ACTIONS THE CAUSE
OF THE WORDS OR THE FACT THAT I CAN NOT
FOLLOW BUT ONLY LEAD?

Here and Now

WHERE IS MY SOUL? MY STRENGTH, THE SMILE I USE TO BARE
THE CREATIVITY I USE TO SHARE
FOR ALL I HOLD NOW ARE THESE SENSELESS EMOTIONS
THT NO ONE GIVES A DAM ABOUT...
FEVER DAYS AND SLEEPLES NIGHTS
DANCES WITH NO RHYTHM AND MUSIC WITH NO VOICE
THE TELEVISION IS JUST A BUZZZZZZZZZZZZZ..

The Love In Me

I am wat others see, Love
pure with this lust for love
walking past kissing couples
and liar's hand holding
pure as the day when I first
laid eyes on you, I am wat other see
Love
Let me find whispering nights that create
melow dramatic hisses of your name, stuck
in my heart,(love) branded on my lips(love)
over the rainbow and your my pot of gold...
rabbits running to and from and the glim in
your eyes is all that I long for..love
the night is young and I need you to
know why you became my baby love..