PISS-A-LULA

I had again fallen asleep downstairs under the table on grandma’s legs. All of my activities from the day had gotten the best of me, and I had become fatigue. My grandmother often allowed me to run around the house as if I were outside playing tag with some neighborhood friends. While playing cards and focusing on her hand with her partner, her money in front of her, always neatly stacked according to its worth, and it remained the same way no matter where the card game was heard. This particular night it was at home and I was happy, I didn’t want to be away from her for more then five minutes and not be able to go sit in her lap while she rocked me back and fourth. My granny spoke to one of the guess that gasp when she seen me fall from running around.
“Karen, she will be alright, she was given too much candy today and in a minute she will be fast asleep, you’ll see. Your son is ten now right? I am sure that when he was seven he did the same things,” Granny said while looking over at me, then back to her card game.
I started to calm down about twenty minutes later, and I’d seen grandma look at Karen and wink her eye, as if to say, I told you so. The smurfs were on and I love me some smurfs, even though they all looked alike, I never seen them that way. I would always wonder how it would be to meet them, if I would have fun and join in one of their life saving adventures that had taken place every episode. I felt my self getting sleepy, and I slowly walked over to my grandmother and she, without hesitation slid her chair back enough for me to lay across her legs and fall fast asleep. I was seven and yes spoiled, not the I will cry if I don’t get my way now spoiled, because honestly it never got to that point, I asked, I received and it had been that way for as long as I can remember. As my eyes became heavy from the rocking that my grandmother provided while laying oh her legs I’d noticed a mice run behind one of the deep freezers that were in grandma’s house. I didn’t jump on say anything about it; I was use to seeing them now. I just drifted to sleep at a comfort level in my comfort zone, Grandma’s legs.
I didn’t feel anyone pick me up and put me to bed, I was what many call knocked out. My bladder had started bothering me and I needed to go to the bathroom. Opening my eyes I realized that I was not on Grandma’s lap or in our bed. I had refused to sleep in my own room, so it was established that I would always sleep with grandmother. I’d notice the stained wall, and my heart started beating fast. The heavy breathing let me know that I was not alone in the room, so I refused to turn around. I would pretend to be sleep as usual and just wet myself, and suffer the yells in the morning, I was prepared to do just that, I had done it many times before. I could hear everything going on downstairs and the card game still in full swing and would go on until the morning, they always did. I could hear some of the losers cursing because they had lost all of they money and wanted to get back in the game, so normally they would sit behind someone and help them out enough for them to win, hit their hand so that they are able to get back in the game and when some of their money back. Grandma was rarely on the losing end, she always won, and boxes of money in her closet proved that, but when she did lose she never got upset, she would just get more money and continue to play. The card games were just a way for her to socialize with friends and family, because her real cash came from being a real hustler. I loved to see my grandmother happy, laughing and enjoying company of adults instead of just me being curious and asking her a thousand questions a day, but those are the times that she didn’t have a lot of focus on me, and in those times, history began.
As I was thinking about going to the bathroom, the breathing stopped long enough for my name to be called.
“Tonya, wake up boop, I have something for you,” the voice whispered with the door still ajar.
I ignored the statement and continued with my game of hide and sleep. After the second time of calling my name, uncle Johnny became impatient and shook me to awake me, so he thought. He slowly picked me up placed me on his knee while sitting on his bed. The twin beds sat high and I could never get in them on my own with out a struggle. The 19-inch television playing Star Trek sat on a dresser that had lost the top draw and kept empty newspaper from years prior. The closet on the left was the house of many pairs of creased jeans, flannel button ups, and white Reeboks stacked up neatly under the pants.
“You are becoming a big girl now Tonya,” Uncle Johnny said while squeezing me. I knew that I was small for my age; I had heard it all the time. Grandma said that my skin stood out and was the source of my beauty.
“Look at you with your pretty skin, I want you to play with Uncle Johnny.”
Slowly dropping my head to hide my fear and tears, I said nothing.
“Are you going to be a good girl and play with Uncle Johnny? I have some candy for you and I know how much you like candy.
“I, I…don’t want any candy, I wanna go downstairs with grandma,” I answered slowly while still looking at a nail stuck in the wood in the floor that I hadn’t taken my eyes off once I dropped my head.
“Mom told me to bring you up here and put you too bed, because you were tired. She told me not to let you come back downstairs,” he lied.
He grabbed my hand, placed it in the croch of his pants, and made me rub until it felt as I was rubbing on a rock. He moved me from his knee so that he could get up, shut the door, and lock it.
“I don’t wanna,” I said crying unable to hold my tears in any longer.
“It is good for you, this is our secret remember, if you tell anyone mom will send you away and you will not be able to see her again or lay on her lap.”
He laid down on the bed then put me on top of him.
“Unzip my zipper,” he commanded.
“I wanna go downstairs with grandma uncle Johnny, I don’t want to, I don’t like it,” I cried trying to get back to my comfort zone. Why would grandma send me away, she knew how much I love her.
“Listen hear, you little spoiled brat, do what I told you before I get mad, you will learn to like it.”
I slowly obeyed as he directed me to do more and more, instructing me to place both my hands around his manhood and move them up and down. He’d tried to push my head down and I kept dodging the gesture, the last time I gagged and he became angry it was horrible and I didn’t want to go through that again. After what seemed to me to last forever, he stopped me, jumped up to perform on him-self the actions that I was instructed to do. Standing at the door trying to leave he put his being in the way, seconds later he grabbed a towel from the dresser. With my head down waiting to be released, his hands lifted my face as he order me to look at, what to me looked like hawk spit.
“Look at it Tonya, that means you made me feel good and Uncle Johnny likes when you make him feel good, remember that is our little secret and you will thank me later, now go to the bathroom before you go get in the bed so that you will not pee in the bed tonight piss-a-Lula.”